From Orphan to Heir: Stepping Into True Sonship

When I was little, I had big dreams. I was going to be the first woman president! Of course, I also wanted to be a doctor, a princess, a soldier, and a race car driver. Why limit myself? When we’re young, we carry endless hope. We believe the impossible is entirely within reach. Our hearts are full of high aspirations, unburdened by the weight of disappointment or fear. I grew up with a thirst for knowledge and an unshakable determination. Motivation burned inside me. Even though my reality often hinted that I might never make it far, my heart refused to accept that. I was desperate to be someone—to leave my mark on this world, to make my life count for something bigger than myself.

But somewhere along the way, something changed. That heart so full of dreams and hopes found itself battered by life. The place I landed wasn’t paved with promises; it was ruled by survival. I wasn’t moving forward anymore. I was just trying to stay afloat. And slowly, the dreams died. The hopes faded. And worse than that, I lost sight of myself.

The Day I Realized I Was Lost

“I don’t know who I am!” It was a desperate cry from deep within my soul. By my early twenties, the realization hit me like a punch in the gut. I had completely lost sight of myself in the endless cycle of surviving. My life looked nothing like the innocent dreams of that little girl. I had no hobbies. No passions. No joy. No purpose beyond just surviving another day. When I got saved in October 2008, I encountered a life I didn’t know how to live. I was like a fish out of water, gasping for breath, trying to understand this brand-new world of faith, hope, and identity in Christ. And very early on, I knew: Survival mode was not the life Christ died to give me.

John 10:10 says, “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly.”

But abundance? It felt like a language I didn’t speak. I had no identity. No true desires. I only had the skills I learned to survive with. In fact, I had gotten good at living in struggle. Struggle was familiar. Dreaming beyond that felt dangerous, like setting myself up for failure again. So, long before I even began reaching, I stopped. I settled.

The idea that God was calling me to more than what I allowed myself to settle for sent me into a spiral of confusion. I couldn’t life in the more. I couldn’t even hope for more. Before I could ever fully accept all that Christ did for me;  before I could even begin to live as who He called me to be… I had to confront and let go of the dysfunction I had welcomed as “comfortable.” The truth was sobering: I could be so much more. But I didn’t want to be. Because more meant letting go of what was familiar, even if it was broken.  

Dysfunction felt like home 

“I don’t know who I am,” became a dangerous confession I repeated internally. There was no expectation to rise. No inner challenge to grow. Just emptiness cloaked in religious performance. In those early years of my walk with Christ, I learned a troubling pattern: I found identity in doing rather than being. Ministry became a mask. Service became a hiding place. Busyness became a badge of false purpose. I was thrust into roles I didn’t fully understand, likely because someone saw something in me that I couldn’t yet see in myself. Outwardly, I “did” things for God. Inwardly, I remained the same broken girl with abandoned dreams and a confused identity.

I know I’m not alone in that. I know I’m not the only one who has lived like an orphan grasping for a place at the table while struggling to believe they belonged there.

The Danger of Misplaced Identity

It’s incredibly easy in the Christian world to tie our identity and purpose to tangible things: titles, platforms, ministries, achievements. The truth is we can speak beautiful, emotional words to crowds, but if those words are not birthed from an intimate, personal relationship with Jesus, we’re only performing.

Without deep roots in Christ, even the most impressive ministry can be empty noise (1 Corinthians 13:1).

When I finally started pursuing Christ for who He is and not for what I could do, a sobering realization dawned on me: I was living like an orphan trying to operate like a heir.

The Wake-Up Call

A few years ago, our church had a guest speaker who shared a message about what it truly means to live as a son of God. He painted a picture of belonging, confidence, and inheritance. And yet as he spoke, I felt completely disconnected. Not because I didn’t want to belong. But because I couldn’t relate. I had spent too many years on the outside looking in, convinced that belonging was for others…not me. At the end of the service, Pastor Cindy turned to me and said something that pierced straight through my heart: “I had a revelation while he was speaking. You don’t fit into what he was describing because you are living like an orphan. I saw you standing outside a house, looking in the window.” That moment was a wake-up call. And it was exactly what I needed to hear. I am so thankful for leaders who are willing not just to encourage but to confront the things that don’t belong; who love enough to tell the truth, even when it’s uncomfortable.

The Battle Between Orphan and Heir

Too many believers are stuck in the same place: Trying to function like son or daughter while still thinking like orphans. We know the right words. We know the Scriptures. We may even know the calling on our lives. But without true identity rooted in Christ, we stay stuck in cycles of striving, insecurity, performance, and disconnection.

I’ve heard people say this generation has “lost” their identity. But that’s not true. According to Merriam-Webster, identity is “the distinguishing character or personality of an individual.” You can’t lose your identity. But you can misplace it. And that’s what we often do. We misplace our identity when we root it in performance, other people’s opinions, titles, or traumas. Instead of rooting it in Christ. The world teaches us to ask, “Who am I?” based on what we do or how others perceive us. But biblical identity is about how God sees us through Jesus. It’s not about what we’ve done or failed to do. It’s about what Jesus has already finished on our behalf. Like Pastor Dan often says, “We haven’t lost our identity; we’ve misplaced it.” And wherever it’s misplaced, we are still drawing identity from somewhere. The only real question is: Are we drawing it from God — or from the world?

Here’s the hard truth: You cannot live as both an orphan and a son/daughter.

A spiritual orphan is rooted in an ungodly mindsets, lies we believe often because of past wounds, abandonment, rejection, or unhealed trauma. It whispers:

“You’re unloved.”

“You’re insignificant.”

“You’re unworthy.”

It makes us work for belonging rather than live from it. It keeps us striving for approval rather than resting in acceptance. It opposes the truth of the Cross and keeps us disconnected from the overwhelming, relentless love of God. If the orphan spirit is active in your life, it’s nearly impossible to step into your true identity in Christ. And sadly, many of us settle for a lesser identity, not because we want to,  but because it feels safe, it’s familiar. Even if it’s dysfunctional. Confronting those areas feels risky, vulnerable, even painful. So we avoid it.

You Were Always Meant to Belong

But it doesn’t have to stay that way. I challenge you today, ask God to reveal where the orphan mindset may still be active in your heart. Invite the Holy Spirit to shine His light into every hidden corner. Don’t stay inwardly focused and take authority. Stop yourself from isolation

“And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.” Romans 12:2 NASB

Let His Word define you. Not your past. Not your pain. Not your performance. You were never meant to live outside the house looking in. You were always meant to belong.

Not because you earned it but because Jesus made a way. When you renew your mind to the Word you begin to take control of your mind and live in sonship. Search the Scriptures and let His truth take root deep in your heart:

You are not an orphan.

You are a loved, accepted, chosen child of God.

Forgive those that hurt you

Walk in the fullness of His promises and live in victory.

Step into sonship.