Excuses

Recently the Lord has really been giving me a holy dissatisfaction with everything that is out of order in my life. It is a lot of small areas, but as God highlights them I can see where these small areas are adding up and pouring into other areas of life. I have always been an avid procrastinator, and an overachiever at the same time. You can see where this would cause a complex. I can see a task and realize that it needs to be done, but I add what feels urgent in front of it, then last minute scramble to complete it on time. It may not seem like a massive deal to some , but it ultimately isn’t being a good steward with the time God has given me. This pattern caused problems with being a few minutes late to work a few times, not meeting deadlines when hiccups occur, causing an anxiousness and unnecessary stress in my home, and overall feeling rushed instead of having plenty of time to prepare for something that I had the time to complete, but didn’t. It is a dysfunctional mindset that carried over from having adhd in my life, and God has been confronting it daily for the last few weeks. At first I found myself making excuses, but God has been speaking to me about taking accountability, and how that leads to maturity.

Accountability is a hard concept for many people in our culture to grasp. An observation I have noticed in recent years is that we feel our own personal opinion about a particular subject is correct, and everyone else is wrong. People are deemed toxic for one incident or disagreement with another person. Forgiveness is treated as a choice and not a command that Jesus gave so that we would be forgiven. We accept and love people that applaud us, but disown those that give critique. Be honest with yourself, how do you act when you are being corrected by someone who has the authority to correct you? What is your immediate response? Do you get offended, place blame on another person, make excuses, or ignore their words and continue to do what you want? Correction can seem mean and cruel when you aren’t accustomed to receiving it, but it’s actually an act of love.

Accountability is defined as taking responsibility for your own actions. We can’t take responsibility for our own actions if we always believe it’s someone else’s fault, or that what we are doing is always right. Correction is what God does, but accountability is what we choose to do with what God is correcting. It’s accepting that we were wrong, and changing it.

A few years ago the Lord shined a light on an area of unforgiveness I had with a person. The scripture about if you are trying to give your sacrifice on the altar and realize you have ought with a brother to mend it first, then give your sacrifice. The Lord kept bringing the scripture up over and over. When I called the person as I was led by the Holy Spirit to do, I was confronted as soon as I aired my grievances that I was in fact part of the problem too. God revealed the truth as I was telling them how they made me feel. Our emotions can always be justified by the flesh, but when God confronts the problem it might almost feel frustrating at first. My flesh felt so irritated, then I felt stupid. I wanted to be justified and have God agree with my justification, but He will not be in agreement with our sin, no matter how much we plead. In that moment I realized that I had yielded to offense, which opened the door right up for the enemy to do what he does best, lie. I believed lie after lie about this person. I believed they disliked me and were talking bad about me. But God revealed the truth, and I had to make a decision whether I was going to be accountable and take responsibility for my actions and pain I caused another person, or continue to be offended and justify my emotions. Ultimately I apologized, and God mended our relationship better than ever.

Accountability is hard, especially when you have egg on your face. It’s easy to play the victim and point towards others, but what happens when you caused hurt in someone else?.

Pastor preached once about the prophet Nathan coming to David and saying, “you are the man”. I was in fact the problem. What do you do once you realize it was you it fault?

Feeling remorseful for our actions is fine, but don’t allow condemnation to set in. We all have made mistakes. I used to get so upset with myself, but I realized that’s what grace and mercy are for. If God has forgiven and forgotten, why would I still carry it? Forgive them as well as yourself and move on. Once you overcome any obstacle in your life, it’s one step closer to being more like Jesus. I used to camp out at defeat, and that’s not healthy. We are more than overcomers through Jesus. God doesn’t just look at the outside, but reaches inside and shines His glorious light on areas that we would have never noticed on our own. Sanctification isn’t behavior modification, but it’s inward transformation.

The Lord spoke something to me that shifted my perspective tremendously. He said, “Correction is not rejection. Those I love, I correct.” A good Father corrects their child in love, but a Father who doesn’t want to be bothered generally allows the child to do whatever they want as long as they’re left alone. You can’t give what you haven’t received. With children, boundaries are beautiful. If there are no boundaries, there is no love. God defines His boundaries all throughout the Word. He is the way, the truth, and the life. We have to be willing to set pride aside and know that His ways are higher than our own. We have to trust that His words are the truth, and He hasn’t let me down yet.

When He exposes something inside, we must realign with the truth. I used to be extremely sensitive when someone would try to correct me. I would fault find people in sermons instead of reflecting inwardly and applying it to my life. If my husband corrected me, I would look at his shortcomings and think that he was just being rude or somehow wanting to keep me suppressed, but that was far from the truth. The leaders placed in your life see your purpose, and will confront what doesn’t align with scripture in our lives, and that is a very valuable thing to have. Correction is a beautiful thing.

I think of Adam and Eve in the garden. I have wondered if God would have responded differently if Adam would have stepped forward and said, “it was me. I was disobedient, I sinned against you,”and then repented. What if redemption would have come immediately then? Only the Lord knows what He would have done in that situation.

Instead we know the history of the Bible. He didn’t accept accountability, but placed blame on Eve, who placed blame on the serpent. The punishment involved them no longer being allowed to dwell in the place God created them for. Adam had to work by the sweat from his brow and Eve would experience pain in childbirth. God’s correction wasn’t what they wanted. They still had to live out the fruit of their decisions, but God still showed them such love. He took them out of the garden so they would not become immortal in their sinful state. He clothed them so they would no longer be naked. He instructed them on how to sustain themselves through working for everything. He then gives a promise of His divine redemptive plan that would come, which we know is Jesus finished work on the cross. It’s His restoration plan to the original kingdom where we walk and talk with God. We now bear His image, carry His authority, and are covered in His glory just as Adam originally was made to.

Accountability doesn’t sound like it would be a hard concept, but it can be for so many people. Is there something the Lord is showing you that you need to take ownership of? Is there someone you need to apologize to? Is there something He is leading you to do that you’ve been disobedient in? You don’t have to look at yesterday’s failures but persevere for who God is created you to be for Him. You were born for this! You have purpose. You are more capable than you think.

Be accountable, accept correction, keep your eyes fixed on Jesus, and allow Him to keep transforming you into His image.